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Disgruntled urbanite and New York Trash columnist C. Moody rants on the trials and tribulations of urban life!

Now, i know you've seen this one:

"...and if you don't believe me, just ring my bell and smell my toilet"

- (old lady in a new Vanish commercial)


it's eastah...time to yet again celebrate the death of christ...brings up fond memories of my childhood in a small aryan enclave in connect-a-dot and the little catholic church in which i fainted, oh, maybe 30 times ( the mercury inched to 90, and the scent-of-treblinka incense pots steamed, the young bloated looking child suddenly twisted and fell - head smacking against the kneeling thingy on the floor in front of him... and the priest droned on...oblivious to it all)...

Back in the days when i was alterboying, the priests like to play a little easter game called 'holy shroud' with their alter-boy herd... father john used to get a couple of us in the rectory and explain to us that his robe was the shroud of turin, and that when the lights went out that was a sign that satan was trying to get us - the only way to protect ourselves was to hide under the shroud...course we took off when we noticed his pants balled up in the corner....and i'm sure irreparable psychological damage was inflicted on many a connect-a-dot alter boy when father john needed a 'spotter' to assist him in his pre-sermon-deep-kneebends-over-a-votive-candle routine (he said they used galliano bottles in priest school, but he felt they no longer provided an 'adequate workout')...

enough of that....

i remember last time i wrote anything down that i was not going to bother anybody anymore with a lot of nonsense unless i had a point...well i lied...the only interesting thing in my life lately is that our new maid - maria - quit after one brief visit...i called her boss to find out why she wasn't showing up on monday as agreed and was told that 'maria would rather scrub the stables at santa anita with her face than touch your doorknob with a mop while wearing 20 pairs of rubber gloves' (her boss speaks only spanish, and mine's a little rusty, but that's about what she said) i guess our apartment's gonna stay dirty...

oh, got to see D Generation recently - they were great as usual...they're on the road with some incredibly lame girl band named fluffy(?) tip for all aspiring girl drummers - don't wear a miniskirt...unless you've...ahhh...performed a little pre-show thighbrow management...i'll never mention that again...

...i've been thinking - i type everything these days because my handwriting is totally illegibel (and my speling suks), but do you think it's possible that that rancho santa fe recipe said "porkchops and applesauce"?'....phenobarbachops?...porkital?...phenochopital?...just wondering...


Read Moody's last rant.

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